my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
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