so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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