i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
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