I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
