This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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