11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
