my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
