After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
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