When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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