I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
