Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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