You just made me feel so damn special
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Randomize
