First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
