During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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