Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
