There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
