fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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