Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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