i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
