Sry I called you an 8
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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