We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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