i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
