a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
