when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
