Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize