Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
