maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
