and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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