Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
