I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
