My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
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