So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Im part way to drunk.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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