All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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