Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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