My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
