why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I forget how to act sober
Randomize