Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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