He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
