is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
