I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Randomize