Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
