You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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