Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
