You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
