My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize