I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
