do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
A bitchslap is in order.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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