how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
