so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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