Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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