guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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