they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
