I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
