this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
