So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
