Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
You made out with two different species that night
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
