Well douche your snatch and let's go!
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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