This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
