There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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