If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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