6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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