you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
