he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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