the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i wish my penis had a tongue
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize