Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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