i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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