what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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