no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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