We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Randomize
