is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
im on a boat
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