I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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