Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
