When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
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