Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
