i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
