I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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