yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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