The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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