Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
