That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
