I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
