3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
from now on my penis is your penis
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
