i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
