No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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