Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
