I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
