your thong is hanging out like whoa
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
