I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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