You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Randomize
