i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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