Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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