I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
