dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
