pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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