did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
