found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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