I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
