And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
