she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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