this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
