You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
