Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
