She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
