My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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