So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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