I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
