Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Randomize
